Legitimate Self Destruction #5 – Waiting

Another week, another pseudo-cliffhanger revealed. Ladies and Gents, I have to be honest, I haven’t had this much fun with a personal project since I started crocheting again.*  I hope you’ve all been enjoying it as much as me, and please let me know on twitter or my tumblr!

This week’s chapter takes on complex ideas like, why does this chapter even exist? and how was I so bad at spelling and grammar, I got A’s in school?

I couldn’t stand them anymore. It was seriously getting annoying with them constantly giggling. I scribbled a note of where I was going and why on a napkin and left it where I knew Gerard would find it. I went to the counter paid for my latte and walked out of the café with The Scientist playing as I exited the building.

Because what is fan fiction without extremely dated cultural references?

I walked around a little until I found myself with an empty latte cup and no where to go. I tossed the cup in a trash can and walked around a bit more. I walked until I got back to the buses.

But… But you said you left him a note, with where you were going… so why didn’t you go to there? tween!Maria, honestly, I’m concerned for your memory.

“Where have you been?” Tre asked as I walked into the living area of the tour bus. “You look like you went through hell.”

“I just went out for coffee with Gerard,” I said. I didn’t feel like explaining everything to him. I walked into the bunks and flopped down onto mine. I covered my head with the pillow and screamed. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I left it. It rang again. And again and again. Finally I picked it up not even looking at the caller ID.

“What?” I asked annoyed.

“I just called to say I’m sorry and I’ll stop bugging you because I have a girlfriend now.” The voice said rather robotic. Kind of like he had planned on what to say.

“Oh, thanks Matt! That means a lot to me.” I said hanging up the phone.

You thought it was going to be Gerard, didn’t you? You fell for my clever writing trick of being extremely vague. It’s clever, right, right, right?

As soon as I had hung up it rang again. “OK what?”

The desire to go through this and delete every instance of had is almost overwhelming. It’s taking a scary amount of effort to not change anything. Though, I think the only way this could even be remotely close to good would be to scrap everything but the concept and start from scratch.

“Just calling to see where you were,” Mikey said back.

“Oh sorry Mikey, I’m on my bus.” I said back leaning against the wall.

“Well why don’t you and Gee Gee come down to our bus and we can all hang. I have someone that I think that you two should meet,” Mikey said excitedly.

If anyone ever did/will/currently call Gerard Way Gee Gee I will eat my Doc Martens.

“Erm, alright I’ll be there in about 10 minutes.” I hung up the phone and walked into the bathroom. I looked at myself. Total wreck, were the only words to describe my face. It was red and splotchy; my make up had run down the side of my face and was now smeared. I guess I had been crying. Wow. I didn’t even realize that I had been crying. Oh well. I washed my face and reapplied the same amount of heavy dark charcoal around my eyes and smudged green and blue on the top and bottom. I checked the time, and grabbed my sketch book as I headed over to the MCR bus. I walked in to see Frankie, Lisa, Mikey, and some preppy girl that I didn’t know.

“RIA!!” Mikey exclaimed jumping up and hugging me. I hugged back. “I have someone I wan- hey wait! Where’s Gee Gee?”

“Oh well we went out for coffee and he got caught up in this preppy girl. So I left him there.” I said flopping down next to Frankie.

“Well we still love you!” Frankie said putting an arm around my shoulder in a brotherly way.

“So who is this?” I asked gesturing to the prep sitting on Mikey’s lap. She had a tight baby blue mini skirt, a white tube top with bitch in baby blue and she had matching sandals. Whoever she was she took one look at my gothic punk style and almost barfed.

I’m going to be over here laughing until I cry, and then I’m going to vomit, and then someone please bury me with this transcript when I die.

“I’m Renee!” She said all to sugar coated.

“Maria,” I replied back just as sugar coated.

“So you go out with Gerard?” She asked in the same sugar sweet tone. I could tell that she wanted Gerard not Mikey but would settle for whatever celeb she could get in the sack.

I guess I see what I was getting at (sugary sweet, Umbridge-esque, trying to seem nice when really you suck), but holy shit three times in three sentences is too much. Also take a shot (wrong to/too)

“Well not technically, we’re more of just friends right now,” I said leaning against the couch. After I said that I could see her face perk up. I guess Lisa could see it too because right after she said.

“So why don’t we,” But she couldn’t finish her sentence because there was a knock on the tour bus door.

So we’re about 9,400 words into this SOB and I’ve completely lost count of the fucking plot twists, and subsequent plot holes.

I was almost relieved that someone knocked. Until I realized that I knew who was at the door. I didn’t move. I knew who it was, but I didn’t want to talk to him right now.

And here comes another potential plot twist (of the most minor variety). God I hate myself. Trying to be so quick and sharp and attempting to keep the reader on their toes. But I forgot one thing. To remember the dumb plot twists I started writing.

Lisa stood and answered the door. I don’t know why he had to knock. I mean he has a key.

“Maria, can we talk about what happened tonight?” He asked as he walked into the bus. As he said that I looked up to see Billie Joe standing there awkwardly.

“Hey BJ, thanks for the pill I’m not drunk no more!” Lisa said all too enthusiastically. That pill must have done something to her. She was either high or just over tired and hung over.

Hey, I finally remembered something I wrote more than a sentence before! Progress can happen people.

“Lisa, just sit down and relax,” He said looking at her oddly. “The way your feeling will wear off shortly!” He said making her sit down. “Sorry I accidentally made you high!” He said fastly, then adding. “So Maria, can we talk?”

This sentence and paragraph structure hurt my very soul. And this is pretty much Billie Joe saying he drugged one of Maria’s best friends, so that’s something I should discuss with tween!Maria. Perhaps don’t on purpose drug your siblings friends, or anyone really.

“Ya sure,” I said standing up and walking over to BJ. I didn’t even bother to say goo’ bye to the guys, I just went with BJ.

goo’ bye? What fucking accent is that?

We stepped outside and the cold night air hit my like a punch to the gut. I started to shiver.

“So what happened to your date?” BJ asked.

“Wh wh wh what do you mean?” I stuttered out of cold and pain.

“Here you’re freezing,” He said placing his hoodie around my shoulders. I graciously took it and pulled it on. “OK, I mean that you said you had a date. I called your cell just to see when you’d be home. You didn’t answer so I thought that maybe Lees would know where you were. So I just wanted to know, did your date end or what?”

“Well, it was with Gerard, if you were wondering, we went to this nice little café for coffee, and he starts flirting with the barista,” I started on my story my heart twanging with pain.

This is a two sentence story, I don’t know if you can really “start” it without ending it immediately after.

“And I just got really fed up with him. I tried to get his attention and I tried making her leave but nothing worked. So I left. I left and went to MCR’s bus.”

No, you walked around for a while and then went to your bus and apparently didn’t see Billie Joe in the tiny confined space.

I finished a solitary tear falling down my cheek. I don’t know why I cried, I mean I didn’t think that I liked Gee that much. Did I?

“Oh Maria, I’m so sorry!” BJ said bringing me out of my thoughts.

“It’s alright. I didn’t expect anything to happen anyway,” I said choking on my tears now. BJ noticed and walked me back to our bus he sat me down on the couch and told me to wait right there. I did, normally I would have being the stubborn person I was, but right now I just didn’t have the energy to argue.

What, normally you would have stood up and done a silly dance instead of waiting?

He came back with Edward Scissorhands, and Alice in Wonderland, and a bunch of my other favorite movies. He also handed me a huge mug of hot chocolate.

WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?! He goes back to the bed area and returns with magic hot cocoa. I need answers.

“BJ it’s alright! You don’t need to do all of this for me!”

“I want to! I know what it’s like to have someone do that on a date,” BJ said.

“Did Nicole do that to you?” I asked looking at him inquisitively.

“Nicole, Sarah, Gwen, Maddie, Erin, almost every girl that I ever dated in High School. One girl, I showed up and she said ‘Oh let me get my purse!’” BJ said putting on his best girl voice. It totally cracked me up. “And then never came back out. But that happened like 20 years ago. You shouldn’t worry about me.” He said putting in Alice in Wonderland.

We watched all of every movie he had. Thankfully we had the next day to just hang in NYC.

The timeline in this story is what’s fucking with me the most. I don’t understand how any of this is possible, or how they started the tour in Oakland California and managed to get to NYC in under a day.

I must say that NYC was one of my favorite venues the guys played at. I could always get into the best clubs, all of my friends were somewhere around, it was great.

I walked into the bunks and fell onto mine. I didn’t bother to take off my clothes. I fell asleep the instant my head hit the pillow. I woke up with a slight ringing in my ears. I knew I shouldn’t have stayed up so late. Oh well, I stood up and dressed in a pair of black Tripp Capri’s with blue plaid trimming, and a baby tee that said “If the world was nice we’d all be DEAD!”.

And now you understand why I don’t have a career writing witty slogans for t-shirts.

I did my eyeliner even thicker then the night before. I walked into the main ‘room’ on the bus and plunked myself down on a chair. No one was in the bus. No one left a note. No one cared about the little 26 year old with the half broken heart. I just sat at the table staring blankly at my plate.

Where is this table? When did you get a plate? This isn’t Hogwarts, food isn’t just going to appear.

My phone started to vibrate. I picked it up from my pocket and didn’t even bother to look at caller ID.

“What do you want?” I said madly into the phone.

Honestly, you would probably have more friends if you didn’t scream into the phone every time it rang.

“Wow sorry! Just thought I should call to see what you’re doing!” He said back a bit startled.

“Oh hey Frankie,” I said normally back into the phone.

“Hey I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang with me and Lisa today. You know go to some stores, get some lunch, go to the café from yesterday night!” He said like it was nothing.

“I guess so,” I said back grabbing a few things and throwing them into my Edward Scissorhands, over the shoulder bag. Frankie told me to just meet them on there bus. I hung up my phone and threw it in my bag. I left BJ a note just incase he came back and wondered where I was. I hopped out of the bus into the blaring sunlight. Too bright for me today. I stumbled my way over to the MCR bus and knocked on the door.

Return again next Friday for another installment. Next week Maria and Gerard have another conversation in a much shorter chapter. But never fear, there’s still plenty to enjoy.

*Which I will post pictures of when I finish my next project.


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