Legitimate Self Destruction #6 – Apologies

This week is a shorter chapter. Since this story has no real plot and the time line makes about as much sense as Jupiter Ascending it’s difficult to find good places to cut. So we’ll keep it short and sweet this week.

They weren’t kind enough to give me a key.

Ah yes, these people who you’ve known for years (or is it months? weeks? hours? how long have you known them?) should obviously trust you with a key to their bus. If that’s even how it works.

I heard rustling then the door flew open reveling a rather tired looking Gee. He only had a pair of boxers on and he looked annoyed.

“What do you want?” He whined not even registering it was me.

“Um I want to get by you!” I said walking onto the first step of the bus. I walked up a few more steps until Gerard was in my way. I tried to squish by him without success. Our bodies ended up pressed tightly together, I could almost feel his heart beat. His hands were slowly making their way up my sides and to my waist.

Wait.. but your waist is in middle of your body, and below what is typically referred to as your sides. Did his hands start at your knees?

This is what happens when a 12 year old tries to imagine something sexy.

I was still super pissed at him from last night, and he expected a make-out session? Now way in fucking hell! I pushed him back so he fell down the stairs and landed with his back against the door. I finished walking up the stairs, and into the bunks falling down next to Lisa.

“Why does life hate me?” I asked leaning my head back and pulling out my pony tail.

“I don’t know . . . maybe because you try to curve fate?” She more questioned then stated.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked stubbornly letting the hair I was trying to tie up fall gently on my shoulders.

“I just mean that everything happens for a reason, and that when it does you should take the opportunity instead of pushing it away. Don’t hold a grudge so long,” She said putting my hair in two braids.

While this is very intelligent advice, and advice I to this day have trouble remembering when things get tough, it’s also given about a situation that happened less than 24 hours ago. I don’t know if that’s necessarily holding a grudge.

“Dude, I look like I’m 3!” I said looking in her hand held mirror. I took out the braids and threw my hair into slightly loose pigtails.

Because nothing says adult like pig tails. For the record I french braid my hair probably once or twice a month, and I definitely do not look like a 3 year old.

We stood up and got Frankie and apparently Mikey and, Renee.

By the time we got to the door, Gerard was gone. We walked into the sunny autumn day. I hate sunny autumn days. I don’t know what it is I just love the night. BJ and Mike always call me child of the night.

I know what it is. It’s because liking the daytime, or outdoors, or nice weather was not kewl. It was mainstream and lame. To be truly emo you had to only exist in the dark, by the blue glow of your laptop screen, all alone in your house.

We walked over to the park aimlessly chatting. I sat on the swings while the couples swapped spit.

Wait a minute who did you walk over with? Why did they go to a park to make out? That seems really fucking creepy to me.

I swung back and forth a few times until I noticed someone. It was Gee, he was sitting on a bench. I was about to stand up and go over to ask him what the fuck he was thinking earlier when I noticed. He wasn’t alone. I recognized the girl he was with too. I couldn’t believe he would do this to me! I couldn’t believe that she would do this to me we were supposed to be friends!

I stood up and walked over I couldn’t believe it! Gee with Tiffany! I didn’t realize that she was the barista or vice versa. I guess it was the lighting. About half way to them I stopped. I walked over to a tree about 12 feet away and sat down. I settled back and started to sketch.

So, you and this barista girl named Tiffany know each other from some time long ago. But you didn’t recognize her in the cafe yesterday because lighting, hair cuts, weight loss, pick one. Now you were going to go over and say something when literally out of nowhere you decided not to and sat down at a tree. Okay, I think I’m understanding… Nope, I’m confused as fuck. How did anyone follow this story when it originally posted?

I drew whatever came to mind. Thoughts were flooding my head; I just put them down on paper in pictures.

About 4 hours later it had started to rain and my sketch pad was in my bag and my ipod was out and playing through the play list. They had left without me, and the only reason they did was because they were horny and wanted some action. I stood up and pulled my hoodie closer to my body. The wind howled like a lone wolf and the rain beat harder then being pelted with dodge balls.

There should be entire classes devoted to analogies, metaphors, and comparisons. So things like this never happen again.

I walked over to the swings to see if I left anything and I noticed someone still on the bench. It was Gerard. I felt something I hadn’t felt in a while, it was disappointment. I was disappointed in myself and in Gee. He had left me on our date when it was his idea, then tried to make out the next day. In myself for I hadn’t let him talk, I had just pushed him away and disregarded his feelings.

I walked casually over to him sitting on the bench next to him.

“Why are you here?” He asked looking at me, his wet hair falling smoothly into his face.

“Because I felt bad for you. I don’t know how I do but I do none the less,” I said looking back at him.

“Well you should be mad at me, I did something really stupid,” He pleaded his case like a 5 year old. “I shouldn’t have flirted with her, and totally ignoring you was even dumber. I shouldn’t have tried that make out thing this morning and I shouldn’t have asked Tiffany out when I knew that you two were friends. And I shouldn’t ” Gerard finished with a heavy sigh. I could tell that this was eating him alive.

Wow, okay. He was trying to make out with you. I’m blaming this whole mess on the fact that I was 12 when I wrote this and thus had 0 make out experience to pull from.


I infuriate myself.

“Well you shouldn’t have done all that it’s true,” I said “But you apologized that shows a lot of character.”


“No it’s a joke,” I said sarcasm dripping from my words.


“Well I’ll give you another chance not to crush my heart.” I said poking his side. The rain didn’t let up even on our walk back to the buses. Since we were walking slowly I was soaked to the bone. We parted ways at his bus and I let him go in somberly. I trudged the whole 20 feet to my bus, and stepped inside, making a nice big puddle in the middle of the floor. BJ looked up from his sidekick long enough to see me, and the giant puddle I dragged in with me.

“Jesus, Maria what were you thinking?” He asked ushering me into the tiny bathroom to get dried off and changed. I emerged again; dry this time with my hair in two braids making me look 3. I walked over to BJ who promptly pulled my hair. Little did I know what was going on on the MCR bus…

Little does anyone know how much further down the rabbit hole we can fall. Next week is a violent chapter, with some interesting “plot” twists. Plus, tween!Maria still doesn’t understand how drugs work.


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