Legitimate Self Destruction #7 – PDA

When you last left Maria and Gerard they were soaking wet and Maria implied Gerard would break her heart again. Is it foreshadowing? Or is it really terrible writing? You be the judge.

Picking up we find them on separate buses, but eager to learn more about each other. Sometimes this story feels like a Richard Linklater movie, but not as well written, and with even less of a purpose. At least he showed a slice of real life.

Gerard’s POV

I walked onto the bus dripping from head to toe. Lisa and Renee, I think that’s her name, I didn’t pay much attention when Mikey introduced us; they were on the couch talking mindlessly. I walked past getting a significant stare from Renee. I went into the bunks and changed into jeans and an Iron Maiden shirt. I walked back out my sidekick in hand.

This fan fiction sponsored by my unending desire to have a Sidekick and end all messages with via hiptop.

I fell into a chair and started to IM my friends back in Jersey. I felt a weight on the arm of the chair. I felt an arm slip cat like around my waist and a whisper in my ear.

“So did you two break up yet?” Renee said in an “I want you” sort of sexy kind of voice.

So many qualifiers. Half that sentence can be deleted.

“Umm no,” I said pushing Renee’s arm off my waist and pushing her on the floor. Frankie walked in and saw the predicament me and my hotness got myself into. Frankie clapped twice. Suddenly the next thing I know two huge guys run in and dragged her off the bus.

OMG My friend Lisa wrote this section, and I remember giggling hysterically in my bedroom while she wrote it. When stuff like this happens, just don’t question it, don’t remember it, just remember I was 12-14 when I wrote this story.

Maria’s POV

Last thing I saw was a big slap mark on BJ’s face. I don’t know why I slapped him. I was in such a good mood today; I guess it was just involuntary.

“Oh My God!!! I’m so sorry!” he looked at me in anger. Damn I screwed up big time. I couldn’t help it. That was just how I was when he pulled my hair some days. I ran out of the bus. I don’t know why but I ran right on the MCR bus. I saw the creepiest and heart wrenching thing ever. I didn’t want to but for some reason Renee was all over Gerard, like ALL over him!!

This reads like a 13 year old girl telling her best friend about seeing her crush flirt with someone else in gym class.

To get back at her I went over to Mikey and kissed him. Mikey was startled but then it turned him right on. Gerard looked amazed. He walked over to me, and pulled us apart. I looked up Gerard was looking at me with hurt and question in his perfect hazel eyes.

“Umm hi” I said curiously with a hint of apology.

“Can we talk outside?” Gerard asked. I couldn’t help it. I had to go. He looked so cute I could resist him like that! I followed him off the bus. I saw a flash of black and before I could ask what happened, I was up against the bus. Gerard was holding my wrists against the cold metal of the bus. I could feel the blood pulsing through his veins. He had the look of want in his eyes. He started kissing me long and hard. I started to get lost in the velvety soft lips and over the moon kiss, until I realized. We’re in public!

So. Many. Actions. So. Much. Happening. My brain. It hurts. I can’t keep up. This feels like that movie with Jason Statham where he wakes up on a weird drug and has to keep his adrenaline pumping or he’ll die.

Also, I’m glad that 13 year old me was just as appalled with making out in outdoor-very-public-spaces as 23 year old me is.

“Gerard, what are you doing?” I asked breaking the kiss and taking a deep breath.

“I can’t have you have the taste of Mikey in your mouth can I?” He laughed. I laughed a little with him.

“So we’re together?” I asked him while he still laughed to himself.

“Of course,” He whispered leaning in and kissing me again, even better then the first time. I got lost in his kiss, I felt like there was nothing else in the world just Gee and me kissing.

His tongue played at my lips persuading me to open my mouth for the enjoyment. I heard a door slam and someone gasp in front of us. I felt Gerard get yanked off of me and I saw him thrown to the ground. Gerard’s attacker was BJ, and he was about ready to kill Gerard by the way he was looking at him.

First you don’t know each other, then you sort of become friends, then you both insult each other multiple times, deny that you’re interested in this romance, throw yourself into this romance, and ultimately decide that after about 48 hours of knowing each other you are, OBVIOUSLY, boyfriend and girlfriend.

I’m fairly sure there is porn with stronger plots than this shit show.

“Billie Joe what the hell was that?” I asked walking over to him and putting my hands on his shoulders. He looked me dead straight in the eyes.

“I can’t let my baby sister fuck up like I did,” He said calmly, worry rapidly over taking his voice.

“I won’t! I’m a big girl! I can make decisions for myself,” I said taking my hands off of him.

“But you can still get tricked by a sweet talker and a good kisser,” He said casting a shifty glance at Gerard. “I don’t want you seeing some rock hero! He can twist you RIA, if you see him anymore, then I’ll be forced to take extreme action!” BJ said ushering me back to our bus, I walked with him taking one last longing look at Gerard, and his lane out body. I felt like crying.

But when you told him you were getting coffee with Gerard not two days ago it was completely acceptable. Literally nothing has changed in the last two days except all of you gaining the ability to travel in time and space.

I walked onto the bus and fell onto my bunk just letting all of my feelings out in tears. I didn’t care if I stained the pillow with my black eyeliner. I just let the tears run there course like a river.

Wrong there/their, take a shot!

Why would BJ do this to me? He never did this when we were in High school and I was dating some loser. Why start now when I could be married?

Jumping to some pretty extreme conclusions here, you’ve known Gerard less than a week.

I pondered on this thought for a while. After what seemed like a millennium I stood up and walked into the bathroom. I stood over the sink breathing deeply, and wiping away my streaky eyeliner. I looked down at the sink.

There it was. Another razorblade. The same one I had almost used only a few weeks ago just before we left.

How is it the same one when that one got confiscated?! Also, why are people just leaving lone razor blades around like it’s 19-fucking-50 and you have to manually change them instead of just changing out the whole razor head?

It’s not hard to extract a single razor blade from a razor head, but it’s certainly not easy.

I picked it up and looked at the shimmery blade in the light. Perfect! Sharp as a sword, and light as paper. I placed the blade to the inside of my wrist and gently pressed down making a cut. Not too deep but just deep enough so I could enjoy the feeling that I got from feeling the blood flow out.

As someone who never actually cut herself I was basing all of this on that book Cut by Patricia McCormick, and I apologize to actual survivors of self mutilation.

I sighed as I let it flow. After about a minute or two more of me just breathing in the feeling I wrapped my wrist up.

If I were back home I would have let it keep bleeding but I had lost enough blood and BJ would flip if he found out about this. I walked out to see BJ sitting on the couch stone faced and sober. He was hardly ever sober, (or sober looking anyway).

“What’s with you?” I asked sitting down opposite him.

“I caught my baby sister. Making out. In broad daylight. With one of my friends. Maria, do you know what he could make you do? He isn’t the nice boy that you think him as,” BJ said leaning towards me.

Um, no one can make her do anything because she is in control of her body, actions, and life. She doesn’t seem to know that, but I certainly do.

“I know the risks of dating him BJ, and I’m willing to take them,” I said looking at him square in the eyes. His deep green eyes shimmered with concern and worry for me. Mine glinted with lust and love; I could tell that we wanted different things for me.

That’s not a look you want to have while talking to your brother. And duh you want different things, I don’t think many brothers want their sisters to fuck rock stars. Just not something they spend a ton of time thinking about, probably. But correct me if I’m wrong.

“Well I’m not willing to lose you like that,” He said going big brother on me. I never liked this side of Billie Joe. He handed me his cell phone. “Call him and tell him that you can only be with him when I’m around.”

“Billie Joe! Why are you making me do this? Have I done something to disgrace you or something? Why are you making me do this?” I asked on the verge of tears again. I could feel my arm swelling with the need to cut. To feel the sharp blade glide across my skin.

“Do it, or I’ll make this so much worse.” He said an evil glint forming in his eyes. I did as told.

This is some 50 Shades of Grey bullshit. This is insanity. He is her BROTHER!

I called Gerard and in a rush of words and tears (from both sides of this) and finally it was done. I threw the phone at Billie Joe.

“I’m never talking to you again. I’m not saying thank you! I’m not going to do anything!” I said stomping childishly to my bunk.

Straight up, I was too old to be doing this at 12/13 let alone acting as a 26 year old.


Gerard hung up the phone and sat do where he was at his bunk. He stared at the wall and thought to himself.

“How could she do this? I thought that we had something special what happened? How could she just betray me like that?” His thoughts went from sadness to anger to suicidal depression.

I understand how quickly emotions can change and shift. Believe me, I’ve gone through the spectrum a few times. But this just, it just… I can’t help but giggle.

He stood up abruptly and walked into the bathroom. He searched the cabinets for something, anything; that would make him feel better. Alcohol would work best, drugs would do, as long as he could just forget about all of this. Voila!

He picked up the bottle of NyQuill and was about to open it when Frankie walked.

“Gerard! What are you thinking?” He said taking the bottle and smacking Gerard upside the head. Frankie knew that Gerard had quit all of the shit he was on.

Oh yeah, did he ever tell his bandmates that 1. he was an alcoholic drug addict, or 2. that he is trying to stop using all that shit? This conversation may have happened in that span of time where Maria watched every Disney movie ever and then took a nap.

He was worried about him, Gerard had never been like this before. Even when he would drink all day and then do cocaine to shut him down and turned suicidally depressed he wasn’t this big of a wreck.

It’s amazing how much you can learn about illegal drugs in 10 years. Like how I learned that cocaine is an upper and would, in fact, not be the right thing to do before going to sleep. It is the opposite of what you should do before going to sleep.

This girl must have some hold on him if he’s willing to do this. Frankie said to himself. Lisa walked in and stared in shock.

“What happened?” She asked bewildered.

“Maria, Gerard, Billie Joe, you do the math.” Frankie said squarely nodding his head sadly at Gerard. Lisa took one look at him and walked out to the Green Day bus.

What is Lisa going to do?! Will she try to reason with Billie Joe logically? Will she steal Maria away? Will it all blow up in everyone’s face? Most likely that last one.


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