Legitimate Self Destruction – #9 Old Friends

This is one of my favorite chapters in the story. It throws a very large and strange plot twist into the mix, while also including some anatomically confusing situations. One of my more hilarious (but totally unintentionally) bits of writing. I look forward to your experience of this fabulous piece.

Maria’s POV

The bus stopped and I looked out of the bunk to see Mike and Tre’s feet scrambling around trying to find all of their stuff. I climbed out from my hiding spot next to the couch, and walked over to Mike. He looked at me sorrowfully.

“We have a concert in about 2 hours. We have an hour sound check and then half an hour before we have to actually be at the venue to play,” He said walking out of the bus with his bass in hand. Tre walked after him with his drum sticks.

I looked out after them and decided to change my clothes. I walked into my bunk to my suitcase. I flipped through the various articles of clothing. I pulled out a white baby tee that made it look like I was bleeding, and a pair of painting jeans. You know that I used to paint in. and I pulled on my camouflage high tops.

It hurts me that I thought this is how I would dress at 26, but what hurts more is that I am on a quest to not wear real pants for a year. So real life me might be even worse.

I walked outside. Amherst Mass, I don’t remember ever being here with BJ.

I walked over to the grassy area near the buses and lay down closing my eyes. I felt someone lie next to me and breathe out deeply.

“You know the sky is even nicer if you open your eyes.” I heard a familiar voice say.

I thought for a minute. I knew that voice, but it couldn’t be. He would never lie next to me. BJ would kill me if he found out I was laying next to me.

“You know that if BJ ever finds you here or that we were ever here we’d both be dead.” I said still keeping my eyes closed.

“I know, but I’m willing to take that risk…” He said rolling over and kissing me softly on the lips. My blood froze solid in my veins; his kiss was so…unbelievable. I couldn’t even start to describe it. His lips felt like silk against my own course chapped ones. He pulled away slowly, teasing my lips leaving me longing for more.

I opened my eyes, to see Quinn staring back at me.

In the grand tradition of keeping you hooked by leaving this person’s identity a mystery I then reveal that it’s not who you think it is. It’s Quinn from The Used, because… plot twist? Drama?

“Quinn, what are you doing here? I have a boyfriend now…” I said looking at him softly.

Not a boyfriend, you’ve known each other less than a week. Stop saying this to people.

“Maria, I’ve liked you since we were 17!” He said. It was the truth too. We had known each other since we were 17 and I had worked on the work study program on Warped and The Used had played. We’d kept in contact ever since.

Convenient, and really poorly explained, exposition about half way through this story. If this isn’t the most Mary Sue of Mary Sue’s I would like to know what is.

“I know you have, and I liked you for a while,” After I uttered that sentence I wished that I could have taken it back. Right after that last syllable left my mouth I saw Gee. He was standing right over us, from what I could tell he was about to kiss me. “Gerard it’s totally not what it looks like at all!!!” I said standing up and walking over to him.

“Maria, how can you say that’s not what it looked like?” He asked me his voice slightly rising.

“Because Quinn and I are old friends, we’ve known each other for ten years.” I said looking at him sorrowfully.

“So do you just go around kissing your old friends?” He asked his voice rising again, tears started to slowly form in the corners of his eyes. “If that’s what you do to old friends I’d hate to see what you do to, really old ones!” He sneered tears now falling from his eyes.

This 3 day “relationship” has more drama than every relationship I’ve ever had in my life. That includes the ridiculous back stabbing friendships of middle school.

Also this is like when people are in a fight and the person losing yells “OH YEAH? WELL SO IS YOUR FACE!” because they don’t actually have a proper response to something.

“Gee, please!!” I said trying to make him feel better without crying myself. Quinn walked over to us and talked to Gerard.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I guess Quinn made everything better. Quinn walked back over to me.

“I’m really sorry about what I did. I didn’t mean to do kiss you, I just couldn’t help my emotions.” He said looking at me caringly. His brown eyes sparkled like honey being caught in the sunlight.

“It’s alright, is Gerard mad at me?” I asked looking at Gerard who was hunched over his sketch pad his face looking blotchy and tear stained.

“No he’s not mad at you.” Quinn said looking at him as well. “He’s mad at me though.”

“Why are you here anyway?” I asked lying back on the grass.

“I’m here because I wanted to see Gee perform.” He said sitting next to me. “And I knew that you’d be here so I came to see you also.”

This doesn’t even make sense. Maybe Quinn saw Maria’s shocking performance with MCR two days ago and had to see her. I would believe that he came here to kidnap Gerard and steal his life before I would believe this.

“Well… that’s sweet and all Quinn, but…” I started looking nervously at him. “I just don’t think that we should be together you know?” I said looking at him sorrowfully.

“Oh ya I get it…” He said looking at me the same way. “I’ll just go see how the sound check is going.” He said swiftly standing up and walking to the arena. I watched him leave, hoping that Gerard would forgive him.

I stood up and brushed off my jeans walking slowly over to Gee.

“Gee, are you OK??” I asked kneeling down next to him.

He sniffed.

I wiggled my hands between the soft earth beneath us.

“Are you mad at Quinn?” I asked placing my hand caringly on his knee. He looked up at me and the look on his face almost made me cry it was so pitiful.

“Yes, he kissed you! And you kissed back!” He said his voice full of sorrow and confusion. “He told you he liked you and you said you liked him! I thought that you liked me! What happened to that Maria?”

“Gee, I didn’t mean to kiss him. I didn’t know it what I was doing. He just kissed me and asked if I liked him and I answered from the heart. But you didn’t hear my whole answer!” I cried out trying to convince him that I wasn’t in love with Quinn.

Literally one of the biggest cliches in the entire world. Cliches like this should be put to sleep with “only time will tell” and “it’s not you, it’s me”

“Fine what was the rest of your answer?” Gerard asked in a bored monotonous tone.

“I was going to say that I did like Quinn when I was 17-19. That was almost ten years ago.” I said sweetly looking at him softly. He looked back at me and slowly leaned in.

It’s really interesting seeing what I thought it would be like to be in a relationship and what arguments in relationships would be. They are not this quick, and this is easy to end.

She also did not apologize or give any sort of proper explanation as to what just happened.

I felt his lips hit mine with more force and passion then used to knock down the Berlin Wall.


Well… maybe for some love it is.

I smooth silky lips were playing at mine. My tongue parted his lips and played around in his. I felt his hands snake there way around my waist.

Wrong there, take a shot.

I rested mine on his neck. His tongue played with mine as if he were playing the flute. It felt like heaven sent down in the form of a man. Gerard. Pure Bliss is the only way I could think to describe it, but all bliss can’t last forever.

If someone who actually plays the flute could tell me if this is accurate, I would greatly appreciate it.

Also, if someone could come over and slap me for putting this on the internet not once but twice I would appreciate it. Thanks very much.

But just know that I may or may not one day refer to someone I date as heaven sent down in the form of a man. I do not promise to be sober when I say it.

I heard footsteps and a wheeze come from somewhere behind us. Gerard and I jumped apart and Mikey came running up to us.

“Gerard-you-have-to-go-to-the-arena,” He said wheezing between every word. I looked at him and laughed remembering that I was the one stuck with his inhaler.

This is an actual misconception that most of the MCR fandom held onto for a while. Mikey used an inhaler in the I’m Not Okay video so everyone assumed he actually had asthma. Which most people should have realized, since he used the inhaler incorrectly in the video.

Also, why wouldn’t Mikey carry his own inhaler?

I pulled it out and shook it up handing it to Mikey. He took it gratefully and took a few breaths of it. “Thanks Maria, I needed that. Hey wanna take a walk?” He asked suddenly becoming more hyper.

But if Gerard had to go to the arena then Mikey should also have to go to the arena because that’s how soundcheck works because they’re both in the same band…

I nodded in agreement and kissed Gerard on the cheek before walking off with Mikey.

We walked over to the line of people waiting to get into the concert and he went up and signed a couple of autographs. One girl in particular caught my eye as I stood with Mikey.

She walked over and handed him a Popsicle and a note. The note said: Here’s a Popsicle 🙂  -Jordan. I looked at her and the note and Mikey. He took the Popsicle and hugged “Jordan”. I stood there laughing, while some random person filmed it for me. I took the recording and walked back to the arena where MCR and Green Day were playing and I sat back stage.

How did you get this recording? Did you just carry a DVD around with you?

I don’t know when you learn logic, or how, but apparently I didn’t learn any of it until high school.

I didn’t need to see every show that they did. So I decided to go back to the bus. All I needed now was some alone time. Some peace and quiet. I walked onto the Green Day bus and lay on the couch. I didn’t realize how tired I was because before I knew it I was being shaken awake by someone who obviously wanted me to move. I slowly opened my eyes and saw BJ standing there looking about ready to kill someone. Hopefully not me.

“What do you want?” I spat at him. Even though I’ve been able to see Gerard I still haven’t been able to see him for longer then 20 minutes.

“Could you please explain to me why you were hanging out with Quinn and Gerard without me around?” I could see the vein in his neck start to throb violently.

“Because they wanted to know a few things so I told them.” I said looking past him and too his shoes.

“Well now I’m not letting you out of mine Tre’s or Mike’s sight. You have to have one of us around if you’re going to talk to Gerard.” He said the vein pulsing furiously.

The only way this reaction would make sense is if this were an AU set in a 90s sitcom. Then there would be a very special episode about alcoholism and drug abuse.

“What the hell that’s not fair!!!” I screamed at him. I noticed that the bus had come to a full stop.


I grabbed my Edward Scissorhands bag that had some pajamas, a notebook, song book, and other random shit. I threw in a few other things I might need. And then without BJ knowing I snuck out the back door and over to MCR’s bus.

1. is there even a backdoor on a tour bus?
2. But Billie Joe was just talking to her… where did he go?
3. She is magic, this is all sorcery, that’s the only explanation.

I knocked on the door and heard some shuffling before Mikey’s head popped out of the opening in the door.

“Hey Maria.” He said looking at me.

“Hey Mikey can you let me in before BJ sees me?” I asked shuffling my feet. Mikey obliged and opened the door so I could come in. I walked in and put my stuff on a bunk then walked back out to the main room.

It was quiet. And not a normal everyone’s-asleep kind of quiet either. No more of an, everyone’s-on-some-electric-devise; kind of quiet. It creeped me out so much that I gave in and took out my ipod and a book. I spent the next few hours listening to music and reading the 5th Harry Potter book. By the time I finished the book (for the third time might I add) I saw someone walking in from the bunks.

Cause that is definitely something to brag about. In fact, I’m putting that in my online dating profiles.

23 year old girl, looking for something fun, has read all the Harry Potter books upwards of 3 times. 😜

I knew who it was. He walked over and hugged me tightly. We didn’t need words to express how we felt. He knew that I would never leave him hanging with no explanation.

Another wonderful cliffhanger that isn’t really a cliffhanger but was designed to get you interested in next week’s “chapter”. Next week we experience an interesting time jump, and some even more interesting relationship changes.


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