Legitimate Self Destruction #15 – Traffic

When the chapter starts out “I sit pondering…” you know it’s going to be slightly more of a mess than normal. But, I’ve committed too much of my life to this to watch it fade away before all of you get to read the finale.*

So in Chapter 15 a whole lot of nothing happens, disguised as plot by the fact that they do some things.

I sit pondering that girl. Elena is a very mature, and cool thirteen year old. Her friends seem too shallow for her though, and that’s why she’s moved on to talk to me more.

Sometimes I forgot that I put this on the internet, and that my friends could read it, and that tact was a thing that existed in the world.

But damn, I was ruthless.

As I finish the flashback I hear someone hack up one nasty cough.

I don’t even know how to properly respond to this. It’s not a flashback, you were just remembering something. Maybe thinking about something. But… I just…

I recognize it as a smokers cough, and I only know one person who smokes enough to cough like that. I look up meeting those hazel green eyes.

Maybe I should have made the drinking game drink every time I mention his eye color. It’s definitely been at least two chapters since I mentioned it though. That’s some serious restraint.

Instead of them looking somber and depressed they look happy and cheerful.

“Hey, hun.” He says softly kissing my forehead.

“This is a great surprise, but what brings you to New York?”

“Oh I was bored, thought I’d take a drive…and this little monster over here was bugging me to take her to Time Square.” He turns to reveal Elena standing in some of the clothes that I designed for her.

“I never did anything!”

“Nothing!?? That’s a load of Bull and you know it!” Gerard says walking over and picking her up. She squeals and I watch delightedly.

This is borderline creepy because she/I is/was definitely 13.

Gerard places her down, and she leans on my wall.

“So really, why are you here?” I ask sitting down and checking my e-mail. Jenny wants me to design another dress, but better then the last.

Pretty sure that’s not how fashion designing assignments work. I do not know for sure, but I’m about 70% sure.

Gerard walks over and picks me up placing me in his lap.

Again with this lap sitting business. Who actually enjoys sitting on someone/having someone sit on you? Anyone?

“We’re here to keep you from over working.” He says kissing my neck gently.

“We’re going to take you to Gerard’s house for Thanksgiving because we both know that you’d end up right here working all day when you should be relaxing.” Elena says looking around my office. It was really nice, it was big, and that’s why it was so nice.

“Wait, Elena, don’t you have a nice happy family that you spend Thanksgiving with?” I ask starting to draw circular designs on a dress outline.

“I do,” She nods, “But Gerard over here thought that it would be fun if I were the only person there not old enough to drink!” She smirks accusingly at Gerard.

“If I remember correctly, you were the one who shot up at the chance of seeing me again.” He says pointing to himself on me. Gerard was a very masculine guy, but sometimes he just acted like a girl. I laugh slightly and open my box of colored pencils and pastels.

“But that’s before I found out you and Frankie were cooking!”

“You two? Cooking?” I laugh.

How do you not know this if you’re spending Thanksgiving with him? Come on, 13 year old Maria, you’re better than this. You definitely would have asked more questions about Thanksgiving dinner, it’s an entire holiday devoted to eating.

“What’s wrong with that?” Gerard asks sounding hurt.

“Hun, you tried to make toast and almost burnt your house down.”

“That wasn’t my fault. The toast was stuck and it over heated and BOOM, no more toaster.” Gerard explains using intricate hand motions. I smile and take his hands in mine. He looks down and kisses them softly. “Your hands are so soft.”

Oh it hurts so much. I would like to personally apologize to Gerard Way for basing his personality on… an amalgamation of fan fiction stories I read, interviews, and personal desires. I would also like to apologize for switching tenses. Once again, 13 year olds shouldn’t be allowed to post whatever they want on the internet.

“It’s because I’m always drawing, they get very soft after that.”

“Well the only drawing you’ll be doing for the next 4 days is for fun. No more work, just relaxing.”

“I’d love to do that babe, but I can’t take that off, I think I can barely take Thursday off.”

“I’ll talk to your boss.” He lets go of my hands and walks out the door his black leather jacket beating softly against his back as he does. I notice Elena staring at his ass.

“Like what you see?” I ask sitting back down and continuing to draw.

She nods, and looks at me. “How do you know when someone likes you?”

“You’re in the eighth grade and you’re seriously asking me this?” I stare at her in disbelief. She’s a very pretty girl, very outgoing, with an extremely good fashion sense.

YEAH AND SHE’S IN THE 8TH GRADE!! Just because Jared Mello** got to second base with Alex Whats-her-face-I-don’t-remember, smoked a bunch of weed, and got drunk in a park in North Medford doesn’t mean that’s what all 8th graders were doing.

She smiles a little uneasily.

“Well, they usually will look at you a lot. If they don’t do that, they try to do something big to impress you, they’ll make you laugh, or in gym take off their shirt or something like that. If none of the above, the last thing is they’ll try and make friends with you.” I say reminiscing about my high school days with Lisa, oh god were those some good times. Elena stares at me for a moment.

I have only a vague memory of being in the 8th grade (because it’s not a time that I particularly loved living through) but I’m pretty sure that’s not what boys did? I dunno, I wasn’t a boy and none of them ever expressed interest in me as anything more than a friend. So, this advice is all bullshit is what I’m trying to say.

“How did Billie Joe react when he found out you were dating Gerard?”

I gulp. I hate remembering that event. Especially since Billie Joe still isn’t ok with Gerard and I. “He yelled, screamed, and told me that I could never talk to him anymore. It was quite childish. He wouldn’t accept the fact that Gerard had changed, and wasn’t gunna drink or do drugs at all.”

“Wow.” She whispers running a finger over my dusty windowsill. Gerard walks into the room smiling insanely.

“What’d you get Jenny to do?” I ask eyeing him suspiciously.

“Give you the time off until December 5,” He says smiling even bigger.

“How did you do that?”

“I just gave her tickets to see us at the Christmas benefit.” He says looking away from me. I smile and hug him tightly, he hugs back. His arms might not be that strong, or muscular, but they know how to make a girl feel warm. I felt a shiver run up my spine, not a cold shiver, but a shiver of excitement. When ever he touched me he made me feel that, that indescribably incredible feeling.

“So I can leave? Like right now? In the middle of the day?” I ask my voice going slightly higher in pitch after every question.

“That’s kind of the point here sparky!” Elena says rolling her eyes. I laugh and gather my things as we head out of the building. I walk the streets of New York like I was born here, but in reality, I’m just some lucky girl from Berkley, California.

“What’s that, on your neck?” Elena asks. When Quinn bit me, it left a mark. An everlasting mark too, I’ve tried everything to take it off, but nothing seems to work. I’ve gotten into the habit of wearing a necklace, or a turtle neck, or something to cover it.

Tried everything to take it off! Like what? A Magic Eraser? Bleach? Nail polish remover? Like what would you use to try and “take it off”?

“Oh, that’s a long story, and right now I don’t think we have time for it.” I say sitting in Gee’s car.

Lies, that story would take under 10 minutes to tell.

I tried to commit suicide and while I was in the hospital this guy, who was my best friend and then was in love with me, snuck into my room because he was a vampire and he tried to turn me into a vampire. Then I kicked him off and he fled into the night. Never to be seen or mentioned again. So, there are vampires, but it’s not like a big concern or anything.

He pulls out of his parking spot and starts to drive. Midday in New York is no picnic.

“Gerard, you were supposed to go the other way!! Now we’re stuck bumper to bumper until we hit the Jersey turnpike!” I scream at him. He smiles slightly.

“Well that’s all part of my plan.” He smirks that sexy way that makes my knees go weak. He leans over and kisses me softly, it was full of passion and love none the less. I returned the kiss and slowly slid my hands to his cheeks.

“Excuse me! Some people are trying not to lose their lunch over here.” Elena mouthed off from the back seat.

Also, keep your eyes on the road! There are people everywhere in New York! You could kill someone, this is reckless.

And this would be the perfect time to tell that long story you just mentioned.

I pulled away as Gerard looked back at the road. This was going to be one long week. I sigh softly to myself and take out a book. After about twenty minutes, and no movement Gerard slipped his hand in mine, and laced our fingers together. The simplest things make me feel so wonderful.


“Maria!!!!” Lisa yelled running out of Gerard’s house.

“LISA!!!!”  I yelled back to her. She ran up and hugged me.

“Mikey was asking me all sorts of questions about what happened at the hospital with Quinn.” She looked annoyed and over-joyed at the same time.

“I’ll get him to shut up about it!” Gerard said walking in with mine and Elena’s suitcases. Elena walked up next to me. Lisa looked from me to her, and back again, confusion written across her face.

“Maria, you have a little mini-you with different hair standing next to you.” She said gaping slightly at the similarity. We did look very similar, but I wouldn’t say creepy twin-ness alike.

Well, no one said it was creepy. But thanks for putting that thought into my mind. There are technically 3 me’s in this scenario and the meta confusion is mind boggling.

I laughed. “This is Elena, Elena this is Lisa.” I said pointing to them as I said their names. They shook hands and exchanged hellos. We walked into the house and I could hear the noise from upstairs. Gerard and Frankie were probably chasing Mikey around, and Ray sat helplessly on the couch watching TV. Sometimes I felt bad for Ray. Being stuck in a band with the other idiots. He was normal, he was calm.

I claim based on literally 0 information.

“Hey Maria!” He said standing and giving me a hug. I hugged him back and inhaled. Ray always smelled like Tide and flowers.

“Hey Ray,” He smiles and hugs Elena as well.

Tense shift, again! At least I can still claim this as growing pains, as opposed to when I catch myself doing it now and it just means I’m a lazy fuck.

Well, another chapter down, another chapter closer to the not-really-but-sort-of resolution of this… “story”

Next week expect a Thanksgiving scene, and some weird stilted conversations.

*Coming up in two chapters by the way, emotionally prepare yourselves.

**That’s the kid I had a crush on in 8th grade, and I believe I stopped talking to him the minute we left 8th grade.


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